Learning to love is one of the hardest things we can do, especially if we’ve had to learn defend ourselves too early. We have high walls and fences we’ve forgotten about but unconsciously cherish, that were built out of childhood fear and rage. Those don’t go away easily, if ever, and we somehow pick partners who seem to have no other purpose in life but to dismantle our carefully built self, which we identify as our bulwark against weakness and chaos. The solution is not isolation but coming to some kind of peace based on justified trust.