As an American who has preferred to live in other cultures for more than half my life, for precisely the reasons you depict so well, I can’t help but admire you for continuing to reside there. It’s comforting to know that there are clear eyed Americans amongst all the unreflective compatriots we share. There is a certain contagion I want to avoid when I can, so I prefer to live abroad. I just don’t feel I’m my best self on American territory. It’s a matter of self preservation. I used to wonder where all the rage came from in my family lineage. It seems to be an American tradition. You found the words for it.